Cutting the 6000-Mile Long Apron String
Have I Forgiven My Mother for Her Narcissism and Emotional Abuse?
Probably not…but I don’t dwell on it as much anymore.
The first article I wrote about my mother delved into the realization that I had been emotionally abused ever since I could remember. It started when I was terrified of being unloved because I had lost a tooth. It took turning 50, a supportive husband, and a close friend before I realized how much fear had been a constant companion in my life.
At 21 my mother happened to casually mention that since I was now able to vote, she figured I would be a much more interesting person to be around. Obviously, I wasn't any fun. I didn’t know how to have fun with my mother. Being silent was the obvious answer.
Only years later could I understand how much that hurt. I was quiet, yes, and probably seemed sullen. I had no role models for a good relationship with your same-sex parent. I recognize now I was deep into her strong gaslighting phase, but at the time I had no realization or understanding of the constant amount of negativity, apathy, and indifference aimed in my direction.
My senior year in college, I was busy looking for a job. I had already been told in no uncertain terms that I couldn’t come home to stay, especially if no job was involved. So I had to succeed…
